CAPTURED :: We All Have Our Demons.

I find this photograph to be a good reminder to myself, that... 

No matter how good a person is, we all have demons, of one kind or another, within us.
We must own up to our imperfections and face our demons; not ignore them.

WORD :: Thou Shalt.

Learn the rules

so you know how to
break them properly

(Dalai Lama via my homegirl Sophia)

WORD :: Reality Check.

WORD :: Expanding My Vocab One Word At A Time.

SOCKDOLAGER

[sok-DOL-uh-jer]

DEFINITION:

-noun 

1. A decisive reply, argument. 
2. Something unusually large, heavy, etc.
3. A heavy, finishing blow.

EXAMPLES: 

1. WHACK! - bum! bum! bumble-umble-um-bum-bum-bum-bum - and the thunder would go rumbling and grumbling away, and quit - and then RIP comes another flash and another sockdolager.  - Mark Twain, The Adventures if Huckleberry Finn
2. "Your first day awake with us was some sockdolager," Andy said. "You handled them sharps slick as grease."  - Darryl Brock, If I Never Get Back

Source: Dictionary.com
Image: Comic Coverage

WORD :: Acceptance Can Be Powerful.

I have to stop hating my surroundings and instead, learn to embrace them; for what they are and the positive ways in which they can be utilized. 

Acceptance can be powerful, mind expanding and advantageous.

MY KINDS OF BEDTIME STORIES...

EDU NEWS: S.O.S aka "Save Our Schools"

My cousin Zak recently found me on FB. 

One of his first posts..."anyone know that kids in hawaii are only going to school 9 out of every 10 school days? Support teachers not furloughs!"

I commented..."i heard about this. unreal! my dreams of teaching on maui may have to be put on the backburner. i mean, as if the school systems in hawaii don't suuuuuck already. ugh."

When I clicked on the picture above, it led me to a page for..."S.O.S. Save Our Schools! Hawaii's educational system is in need of change! Parents unite to make a difference! No mandatory furloughs! No Layoffs! We want a "hands-Off Policy" when it comes to our children's educational funds!"

Which then led me this article from the Hawaii Reporter...

Hawaii Department of Education - Cutting Necessary Services Before Cutting the Fat By Malcolm Kirkpatrick, 11/17/2009 9:04:45 AM When any bureaucracy faces a budget cut, it typically cuts services before it cuts fat. When a bureaucracy cuts services, it enlists the public as an ally in defence of its budget. Further, the high-paid, do-nothing jobs in a bureaucracy typically go to politically-connected insiders, who can best defend their positions. Furlough Friday has Hawaii parents scrambling for day-care and screaming for higher taxes. Unasked and unanswered is the question: "How much money is enough?" Raw statistics on the Hawaii DOE budget appear with suspicious infrequency in the print and broadcast news media. Although politicians and DOE administrators make self-serving and deceptive statements which few journalists question, one source, the DOE accounting branch, files with the Federal government an official financial summary, the Public Education Finance Survey, which carries a penalty for false reporting.   Hawaii DOE total revenues, fiscal year 2006-2007 a=$2,950,803,000 http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2009/expenditures/tables/table_01.asp   Hawaii DOE, current expenditures b=$1,998,913,000 http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2009/expenditures/tables/table_02.asp   Hawaii DOE revenues and expenditures, fiscal year 2006-2007: c=Total revenues = $2,985,593,000. d=Current expenditures = $2, 061, 560,000. http://www2.census.gov/govs/school/07f33pub.pdf e=Enrollment, 2006-2007. 180,728 http://www2.census.gov/govs/school/07f33pub.pdf a/e=$16,327.00 b/e=$11,060.00 c/e=$16,519.00 d/e=$11,406.00 Since 1970, DOE per pupil expenditures have more than doubled, in inflation-adjusted dollars. Hawaii DOE current expenditures per pupil, 1969-70 to 2005-06: $4,280 to $10,131 (inflation-adjusted dollars) http://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d08/tables/dt08_184.asp?referrer=list No country on Earth spends more, per pupil, than Hawaii's $11,000. International comparison and US average: #1 Switzerland ($9,348.00). #3 USA ($7,764.00). http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/edu_spe_per_sec_sch_stu-spending-per-secondary-school-student It does not take 12 years at $11,000 per pupil-year to teach a normal child to read and compute. Most vocational training occurs more effectively on the job than in a classroom. State (government, generally) provision of History and Civics instruction is a threat to democracy, just as State operation of newspapers would be (is, in totalitarian countries). Neither George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, nor James Madison attended a government-operated school. Cyrus McCormick and Thomas Edison were homeschooled. The Wright brothers were high school dropouts. "Consider what we do to our kids. Is it really a good idea to send your 6-year-old into a room full of 6-year-olds, and then, the next year, to put your 7-year-old in with 7-year-olds, and so on? A simple recursive argument suggests this exposes them to a real danger of all growing up with the minds of 6-year-olds. And, so far as I can see, that's exactly what happens. Our present culture may be largely shaped by this strange idea of isolating children's thought from adult thought. Perhaps the way our culture educates its children better explains why most of us come out as dumb as they do, than it explains how some of us come out as smart as they do."--Marvin Minsky Why is $11,000 per pupil-year insufficient? Is there any amount of money so great that the out-of-classroom parasites who infest the DOE bureaucracy cannot waste it? Across industriies, across countries, State-monopoly enterprises deliver wretched services at high cost. In abstract, the education industry is an unlikely candidate for State (government, generally) operation. The education industry is not a natural monopoly. Beyond a very low level, there are no economies of scale at the delivery end of the education business as it currently operates. Education only marginally qualifies as a public good as economists use the term and the "public goods" argument implies subsidy and regulation, at most, not State (government, generally) operation of an industry. Gerard Lassibile and Lucia Navarro Gomez, "Organization and Efficiency of Educational Systems: some empirical findings" - Comparative Education, Vol. 36 #1, 2000, Feb. , pg. 16, "Furthermore, the regression results indicate that countries where private education is more widespread perform significantly better than countries where it is more limited. The result showing the private sector to be more efficient is similar to those found in other contexts with individual data (see, for example, Psucharopoulos, 1987; Jiminez, et. al, 1991). This finding should convince countries to reconsider policies that reduce the role of the private sector in the field of education". Current policy in Hawaii and most other US States restricts parents' options for the use of the taxpayers' K-12 education subsidy to schools operated by State (government, generally) employees. This policy originated in anti-Catholic bigotry and survives on dedicated lobbying by current recipients of the Hawaii taxpayers' $2.9 billion/year (US, $500 billion+) K-12 education subsidy. The "public" school system has become an employment program for dues-paying members of public-sector unions, a source of padded construction and supply contracts for politically-connected insiders, and a venue for State-worshipful indoctrination. If this is not so, why cannot any child take, at any age, an exit exam (the GED will do) and apply the taxpayers' age 6-18 education subsidy toward post secondary tuition or toward a wage subsidy at any qualified (say, has filed W-2 forms on at least three adult employees for at least the previous foyr years) private-sector employer?   Malcolm Kirkpatrick is a Hawaii teacher who has devoted over a decade to investigating the DOE's management and financial practices. He blogs at http://harriettubmanagenda.blogspot.com/ Reach him at mailto:malcolmkirkpatrick@yahoo.com Hawaii Education Beat...

© 2010 Hawaii Reporter, Inc.

WORD :: I Am Ana.

I am ANA.

I am confused.

How did i end up like this?

Sucked dry.

Beat up.

Black and blue.

Bruised and used.

WORD :: Self-Destructive Behavior.

As corny as it may sound...I've always believed in true love. But, lately I've begun to question the existence of such a thing. In and out of one dysfunctional relationship after another, I find myself growing more and more jaded with each passing day. My astrologist once told me that I have a tendency to throw myself full-force into relationships with men that will only leave me brokenhearted and disappointed in the end. I remember shaking my head and thinking she was an idiot, but now I am entertaining the possibility that she was right.

No matter who it is I start a relationship with, they all leave me in the end...confused, painfully in love, broken. Over and over again I involve myself with men that are either too old or too young, unstable, self-consumed, unreliable, and immature (no matter their age). It seems as if I never learn from my mistakes because no matter who it is that I become romatically involved with, in the end, I always find myself in the same heartboken and desperate situation. Maybe I fall in love too quickly, maybe I give myself and my heart to easily, who knows. However, what I am sure of is the importance of reflecting on my own actions, in order to find the root of this problem, so that I can work to change this repetitive pattern of self-inflicting pain and self-destructive behavior.

WORD :: About A Boy.

Normally I wouldn't put myself out there like this, but it's almost three and the only person I can talk to at this time of the night is myself. I started crying about half an hour ago and I just cant seem to stop. My head hurts, I'm tired, and I want to go to sleep, but I can't. I'm so angry and confused right now; angry at myself for being so stupid and careless, and confused about how this thing between he and I went from so right to so wrong and why I could do nothing to prevent our relationship from spiraling out of control.

Its not like I loved him. Really, I didn't even know him. Aside from the uncanny number of things we had in common, he was just another boy to me. Someone to focus my attention on, someone to daydream about, someone to adore me and all my flaws and perfection.

Maybe I cared about him more than I know because it takes more than just some boy to make me cry. I tried not to, fought hard, but couldn't hold it in. He said all the right things, touched me in just the right way, confided in me, kissed my forehead, dressed like a pro, and best of all, like me, was the perfect mix of hip hop and hippie. 

He got me. I wanted him to be the one to call...and he did. But, then the calls stopped. He disappeared and I blindly chased after him. I don't know why; he enthralled me. He had so much potential and I wanted to show him that. He was so young and I wanted to help him grow up. What can I say, I'm a hopeless, hopeless romantic with the heart of a saint. 

After ending a two and half year relationship, it's hard to deal with the loneliness that comes along with separating yourself from someone who you shared all of yourself and your life with. For a long time I thought I was fine, that everything would be ok, that I would find someone else to fill the void. But now, I realize this will be much harder than I had originally thought. 

I never kiss without undying passion. People say having sex is the most intimate way you can be with a person, but for me its kissing. This is a recipe for disaster. When I kiss someone, I feel like I give them a part of myself. The challenge that arises from this, is that I somehow have to find a way to regain the part of me that was lost when they are finally gone. As Nine Inch Nails sings, "There is no you. There is only me." 

See it worked. I stopped crying. Writing brings me great happiness.