10.29.2005

WORD :: Self-Destructive Behavior.


As corny as it may sound...I've always believed in true love. But, lately I've begun to question the existence of such a thing. In and out of one dysfunctional relationship after another, I find myself growing more and more jaded with each passing day. My astrologist once told me that I have a tendency to throw myself full-force into relationships with men that will only leave me brokenhearted and disappointed in the end. I remember shaking my head and thinking she was an idiot, but now I am entertaining the possibility that she was right.

No matter who it is I start a relationship with, they all leave me in the end...confused, painfully in love, broken. Over and over again I involve myself with men that are either too old or too young, unstable, self-consumed, unreliable, and immature (no matter their age). It seems as if I never learn from my mistakes because no matter who it is that I become romatically involved with, in the end, I always find myself in the same heartboken and desperate situation. Maybe I fall in love too quickly, maybe I give myself and my heart to easily, who knows. However, what I am sure of is the importance of reflecting on my own actions, in order to find the root of this problem, so that I can work to change this repetitive pattern of self-inflicting pain and self-destructive behavior.

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